When you can see the fear behind one's anger
When you can see the frustration behind one's rudeness
When you can see the insecurity behind one's jealousy
When you can see the self doubt behind one's arrogance
When you can see the disappointments behind one's selfishness
Cant you see world is not that bad indeed?
Cant you see strength and hope is what we need to smile and pull through?

Have you ever been scared of yourself?
Its not being scared of your future or
Its not being scared of your family or career or your financials
Its Just being scared of your own being,your own thoughts
Its being Scared of the conflicting emotions you cant put in words
Its being scared of finding that your rationality and approaches are not helping anymore
Its being scared of lured strongly by solutions you would have not even given a thought
Its being scared of inability to share with loved ones no matter how hard you try
Its being scared of how horribly wrong you were in assessing yourself
Its being scared of whether you will ever be the same person again - the person you loved and confident of
Its being scared of realizing just how much effort you are putting in just to be strong and hold on
Have you ever been so scared?

I had this friend of mine who never steps out of her house without burka.Since she was not allowed to wear burka in college inspite of her requests she comes to college like a mummy neatly wrapped with only little face exposed. She can be seen only with full sleeved salwars, hands covered by gloves,head covered by scarf and feet by socks. In the very brief lunch break of 30 minutes within which we have numerous other tasks to do like submitting assignments she always find time to do namaaz.

Now don't imagine a cruel father,meek mother and a pack of cruel uncles torturing her to be so.Her father is in a very good job laughing at schools without co education. Her mom is regarded as well read and can talk for hours together about empowerment,freedom and all those impressive stuff. Her sisters' attire representing the latest fashion in town.Her mom always lament to us about her failure in bringing up my friend as a liberal and contemporary woman inspite of providing good education and environment. Now there in the same college was a faculty who was equally good in practising his religion. He daily goes to temple,quotes from vedas and gita,knows auspicious time and days and gracious enough to do special prayer for his students placement too. Now after quite some years I received a call from this dear friend of mine few months back. to inform me how she and my sir are a happy family of three now. My friend,My sir and their little bundle of joy! I was invited 'coz she has no liberal and modern family now to adore her baby as she has become an outcast.The mother who is well read,boasting about the independence she gives to her kids cant accept my friend getting into nuptial bond with someone from other religion. Neither I am gonna talk about the power of love nor her family's reaction as both are obvious.

This incident just made me think once again how deceitful the words are. How artful the language is in giving a false picture and inhibits our attempt to understand.It makes me to question what does the word orthodox,conservative and liberal,modern outlook really mean. We used to describe my friend as very orthodox and her family as very modern.Is dressing,style of living,books we read is what all these words are about?Does the description still holds good? Is sticking to a particular style of living just for the need of acceptance is orthodox? Is reading stuff from impressive personalities,appreciating it and talking for hours about it and practising it as long as you are sure its not going to affect the conceptions you hold hidden deep in your heart is liberal? May be both can be called as acting as we do certain stuff since we think that is how our role should be in front of the audience.

Then what does these words really mean? I don't know. I think following something after making an effort to understand it, accepting it the way it is,falling in love with it and making it a part of life regardless of others opinion about it is what orthodox means. Isn't it should be the same way for the so called modern outlook. You do something because you really believe in it and accept it. The more I think the more I am convinced language is the biggest folly man plays on himself and his fellow beings. If there is one thing I want to tell to each and every one in this world it is, "Never hesitate to ask anyone is that what you really mean"

I wonder whether there comes a time in eveyone's life when their very self is questioned. The values one cherish and proud with are considered non existent and attributed with qualities one detest with. Leaving in a state of shock and disbelief going through countless cycles of introspection leading to nothing but more despair and pain. The pain that could not be thrown off with a careless shrug or a gay
laughter not because you are someone who is delicate but because the remark is from someone whom you trust and respect. Going through it inst easy because its like yelling at a proud mom holding her precious baby close to her heart " Hey there! Throw away that dirty mess".

All it needs is a little exploration and belief in self and of course a strong heart to realize you and that someone are seeing through different windows. Someone's window is seeing your treasure as a filthy mess to be thrown away.Empathize the view but dont endorse it just because its from someone you respect. Remember the windows are different. And dont even think of taking the someone's window no matter how special he is because its not just the view you see from window but its your dream and you see through the window.

Be prepared to face your own stupidity and moments where you wonder how you could be so dumb and wrong. Even though an undesirable experience that needs to be purposefully forgotten it leaves you with a valuable lesson for life, "None is too special to instruct you what to feel". At times even your own rationality isnt that special as what is rationality nothing but connecting the ever changing premises which we often assume to be stationary.

Just accept your stupidity and go through this hell with the prayer for this pain to die away quickly as in the end all that matters is correcting the misplaced regards.

When this body dares to throw away its life will it still be frightened of future in its heart?
When this soul departs and travels through those fancy lands heard in stories will it still carry the burden of memories?
When this soul enters the heavenly heaven described in countless books will it still feel the hell inside it?
When this soul is thrown into hell and tortured in all the ways will it still find its inner turmoil the most hellish?
When this soul is ripped off its vision will it still see the darkest tragic future?
When this soul is teared off from rationality will it still reasons why living is gonna be just existing?
When this soul is redeemed off imagination will it still be afflicting itself with countless 'If only" and 'But'?
Dear lady in black, When I knock your inviting door where you would lead me to?
Will it to be the peace I yearn for or the turbulence I fear of??

Never become too busy to attend to the people who are never busy for you
Never become too complacent to do the things you always wanted to do
Never become too brave to pause for a while and take a stock of your life
Never become too timid to say yes when all you wanted to tell is no
Never become too impressed with anything to let go your values
Never become too strong to be unmoved by the sufferings of others
Never become too independant to walk away from your responsibilities
Never become too optimistic to walk into a known trap
Never become too generous to let the lazy thrive on you
Never become too helpful to let the people laugh at you
Never become too good natured to let people use you and hurt you
Never become too attached to anything that makes you detached from your dreams
Most importantly,
Never become too proud to ask when things change to 'too'?

Frustration is just the aftermath of realising things we thought to be mutually exclusive are actually independant!